Wanting to be seen
Wanting to be liked
Hard to believe in myself these days
Over dueing my social media mind
I look for the likes and the views
Wanting to become a-new
Showing my new attitude
Worried that I’m not the same
Playing all these little imagery games
Do I have the best clothes
And the prettiest smile
Am I pretty enough for a audience to view me
To perceive what I want them to see
Are they all following me?
Can I treat you to a little treat
Here’s a piece of me
My image, my vanity, my inner self
What else should I show you
Let me exploit you
By you , I mean me
2 is company
Don’t know why I’m even on these stupid apps
Just wanting a bigger distraction
From my goals, from my true self
Yelling and screaming
Asking for a lended hand
Asking to be seen , just not in the right ways
From the wrong gaze
Fighting myself and how I want you to see me
Read between the lines
I mean the lies
The lies I show you through this multi-colored screen
So don’t come near me
I want to be loved but just from afar
I’m showing you how I perceive the world around me
I question am I funny or socially aware enough for my audience to view me
My life now is a stage and I’m the main character who keeps trying to run away
Into my rabbits whole, my brain follows
Down through a Alice N wonderland looking glass
Tell me what you see
An alternative reality version of me
But I’m alone in a room and your all watching me
Looking from the outside in
Who’s really my true friend
Walking through the world
Making my own stumbles
Hopeing you all don’t watch me fall
Paranoia and fear are showing up later through my years
Social media driving a medal rod into my brain
Divided between obession and fun
To scary and narcissistic tendencies
Can’t tell what’s real or what missing
The truth is subjective but no layered ground work is in-between my 2 shaky feet
Falling down and down till I’m turned upside down
I overthink and over contemplate
Wanting to escape myself so I dive into a new zone, into my iPhone
My own little world, I have curated for myself
I’m so proud of myself till I get dragged in
These apps are clawing at my sins
The addiction, the over individuality, over indulgence into a curated reality
Don’t know what’s fully real or fully fake sometimes
Blaming others for our own mistakes
Trying to escape it all, run far away
Social media was once my best friend
Now the concept of it is feeling like my worst mistake
Trying to connect but don’t know how
I only know how to watch people from a 3rd person front row seat
This shit is all a distraction from what’s truly underneath
Trying to quit
Not be so obsessive and vain
Trying not to dictate and over examine
Wanting to meet new people but scared of the backlash
Lost in my head, contradictions colliding
Wanting to feel ok, to feel safe, wanting to seem warm and inviting
Don’t know where to draw the line
Right in between my own to eyes
Right inbetween my own 2 hands
I’m trying to show myself that this social media culture is not for me
I just want to be fucking free
Into the woods I go
Building myself a little cottage
Growing Lilies and daisies in my backyard
To have my own little sanctuary
My own little curated world
Tired of trying to fit into a imaginary place with no faces just everyone playing the blame game
Trying to be someone their not
Trying to show off the flashest clothes
Trying to make you believe a reality that’s not true
The internet has got me feeling so confused, I’m Turning blue
One day I will plan my escape
Into the woods I go
It’s better then what I’m viewing between my own 2 eye lids
Tired of lies and false truths, the obsessive thoughts
It’s time to create a different life path
With less turmoil and troubles
With less lies and manipulation
No more porn fornication
No more depression and despair
It feels like these emotions are encapsulated in the internet’s air
Once I let go of this abusive internet culture
I can finally be free
From a internet culture that only cares about itself, not you and not even me

© All Rights Reserved