Like a clown in a circus show, my mind is freaking me out. No matter what I do, to ease these thoughts. They continue racing all about.

Im always searching for an escape. There I find myself in a dark and lonely place. I created a mask, full of smiles and cheer. To hide the sadness that lies upon my face.

They tell me to stop living in the past. It's almost like I am surrounded by mirrored walls, where old reflections clash.

I feel my chest, collapsing. My pulse is soaring out of control. It becomes harder and harder to breathe! Fuck, this anxiety. I just wanna live in peace .

People may act concerned, they honestly don’t give a shit. Embarressed they ask, ''why must you act like this.” Like I’m some kind of toddler, just throwing a fit.

I count the tears that fall from each eye, now I feel weak. I tell the voices to go away, but they still creep. Deminishing, my self worth, vigorously taunting in my sleep. The demons, they must be right. I am a worthless freak!

This is my life, mentally. I know I am damaged. Some even say I'm crazy. I kept my story a secret, now I have finally found solace. Through the words in which you're reading.

You may hear my laughter, or see a smile. But on the inside, I am very fragile. I often loose hope, and contemplate suicide. I pray that one day, my old self and I will reconcile.
© ©crash