Should I cry now, is it what's expected for people like me?

Then you didn't know how it felt standing under clenched hands demanding you to stop whimpering.

I don't want you to look at me like that,I stopped feeling anything a long time ago about it, what does it matter?

I refused to be a victim once I understood I was never someone's little girl, I was the lie used as a reason to stick it out to a little girl who didnt know how to run.

I was born a ghost who couldn't recall feeling anything but ambivalence at the chaos that played daily before my eyes, the good girl who never cried and understood the punishment dealt though illogical was inescapable.

Until at 17 I realized that the least of those things expected in familial reliance were too much to expect.

So here I stand now unaffected by hate or love, smothered by well meaning hands and thoughts too full of humanity to understand that....

I'm doing my best to lull malice concealed behind a gentle masked child who has never found peace or calm in this current state of existence ..

Allow me my pretence that it's all ok..

Avoidance is my preferred mechanism, I'm good with not knowing the person I would have been because something tells me I wouldn't be here if that weakling had won.

Regard me as you will, but I'm here regardless of the bitter taste it leaves on your tongue.


© CM