As a host,

I became an enemy,

when I really needed,

a friend in me.

Any time I felt hunger,

I made myself suffer,

For thin is what i sought.

Cold steps on the scale,

My skin so pale,

Content is what I am not.

I weighed myself religiously,

that control I craved so viciously.

My bloodshot eyes,

a foul taste,

just to have,

a smaller waist.

Acid fingers,

my stomach is empty.

Thoughts that linger,

stay and tempt me.

Do it again,

have no fear.

Running water to hide the tears.

The weird obsessions,

binge or purge,

I really couldn't control the urge.

Lies and excuses,

were all I could taste.

You'd only see a ghost girl,

when you looked at my face.

My collarbone crown,

and hollow hazel eyes.

My over sized shirts,

over my small bruised thighs.

Fragile body,

dizzy head.

100 situps,

piece of bread.

Keep myself,

behind my sleeves.

I have invisible scars,

Can't you see?

Id hide food in my pockets,

or would only half swallow.

Choked in the bathroom,

until my body felt hallow.

If i was outside,

and it started to rain.

My collarbones would catch,

and the water would stay.

Its a beautiful disaster,

to have loved it the most.

You thought I would snap,

if you held me to close.

I put a pillow between my legs,

because it hurt my bones to touch.

My fingers crawl down my throat like spiders,

because I ate far too much.

One sweet treat,

and that's it for the week.

My ribcage vibrates,

with every word that I speak.

If i looked in the mirror,

I'd always have to stop.

Obsessing on pieces of me,

I just couldn't crop.

The numbers were decreasing,

to my body I was rough.

in my head I was believing,

It still wasn't enough.

I have a loving heart,

But a very busy mind.

I live with a disease,

but not the usual kind.

I'm a prisoner to this thing,

I'm captive at its will.

I do everything it says,

And im not thin enough still.


© Prezzz