"Kula Jacob"
By: De Ona Marie Charamut


I'll never forgive myself
Nor will I ever forget that day
When I had to meet the lady
So I could sign my rights away
I had to make a decision
I did what I had to do
I found you a better family
Capable of taking care of you
I never had plans on this
It's not how it was supposed to be
The only way to keep you out the system
And having you on the streets with me
It's not a way to raise a baby
And I REFUSED to do so
You deserve so much better
And I just wanted you to know
I never stopped loving you
I ALWAYS wanted you with me
I wanted to keep you and raise you
And us three be a family
You just turned two in August
Your sister turned eight in September
I'm scared you'll never know who I am
Cause you were to little to remember
I'm grateful I found the perfect couple
Who's gonna raise you as their own
You'll know what it's like to have a normal life
And what it's like to have a home
On the day you came into this world
Kula Jacob was what I called you
They changed your name to something else
When the adoption went through
I hope one day you'll forgive me
And find love in your heart
Cause I always wanted to be your mother
Right from the very start
Always remember Kula
That you deserve nothing but the best
Never take no for an answer
And never settle for anything less
I cant even begin to tell you
How it tears my heart to this day
That I had to put him up for adoption
And give my baby boy away
Its never an easy choice
To make for any Mother
To see your baby that's the love of your life
Being raised by another
It wasn't supposed to end up this way
This isn't how it was supposed to be
All I ever wanted was to be a Mama
And have my OWN family
Everything happens for a reason
Or at least that's what I have heard
I'm just glad my baby boy is truly loved
And is being nurtured
I hope that one day he can read these poems
And maybe forgive me within his heart
And know I always had the best intentions
Right from the very start
I made a lot of mistakes
And Lord knows Im paying for those
It was bad decisions I made
And the bad things I was doing I suppose
Out of everything I've been through
It tears my heart the most to this day
When I put him up for adoption
And signed my rights away.

Mama loves you Kula
Love,
Your Biological Mama De Ona Marie

© De Ona Marie Charamut