I see all of you grieving

because I recently passed.

I hope each day you grieve for me,

it's the last.

just as you never left my side;

I'm always near you,

even though I've died.

I can't describe the way it feels,

only that, all my pain is gone,

and here every broken heart heals…

There is no more self loathing,

betrayal or lies.

It no longer hurts,

once peace takes over,

insanity subsides…

I know I left you suddenly,

and I never reached out…

you see,

I knew you'd come running

But I wanted out.

I simply could not continue

with this facade

inside it was dark

I felt twisted and flawed.

those who were closest to me

can convey

I never wanted to live my life

in this way

I'm sorry I left you

with questions unasked…

I lived barely present; deeply stuck,

in the past.

You all were the reasons

I got up each day,

Your love filled me then

and it still does today.

Please let the comfort

from our memories

be enough for now.

Try not to focus

on your anger

or obsess over how.

I live in your heart

so please don't be afraid

if you hear my voice whispering,

‘’Don't cry, I'm okay’’

I have lots of friends

and family

I've missed over here,

but remember

I still love you

and hold each one of you dear

I haven't left you

I promise

I'm always right here.

I am grateful

I had such amazing friends

it's crazy

because that is all

really matters

in the end…

Written by

Heidi Shavill

2018