Would have been better if I never started
Dreaming about what we could be
The daring future I see
Would have been better
If I never evocated you in my fantasy
Made you the focal point of view
Living rent free in the world only I knew

Desire, a burning desire for you
Or do I just desire to not be alone
In desperate hunger for companionship
I forced you into my world
Pulling harder each day like a sailor
I'm not hung up on you
I'm just tryna wash off my blues
Loneliness built up my hunger for new
And now I can't differentiate
If what I truly want is you or just a muse to hold on to

It's harder for me because it's you
You, the one that leaves me confused
Always grappling in seconds when I think I've understood
You, the one I can't seem to move on from
And we haven't even shared any bond
You, my impromptu, never thought through impulsion
I can't seem to hold up the conditions for your expulsion
One day I'm done,
Suddenly in my thoughts you dawn
Over and over and crippling over again

Would it have been better
To have never felt your touch
Than to hunger for it this much
Would have been better
To never know the taste of your lips
Than be denied what my memory leaks
Would it have been better
To never know your homies
Or struggle with being lonely
Whilst with you and the cronies
Would definitely have been better
To never have developed a crush on you
Than struggle with getting revoked
The pass I gave you to my soul
© Amanah Saais