I don't know how I feel at this moment but I know that I'm not okay. I feel so empty although I try to convince myself that I'm okay and try to pretend that I'm okay I fail. I break down. I'm hurt. I'm literally falling apart. I can see that I'm losing myself all over again. Is it back? Am I going to go through it all over again? Depression? Is that it? I don't want to go there all over again because I know this time I won't survive. I'm no longer strong. As for my fighting spirit I don't want to go there because I don't know what that is. My survival instinct is...