I don't know how I feel at this moment but I know that I'm not okay. I feel so empty although I try to convince myself that I'm okay and try to pretend that I'm okay I fail. I break down. I'm hurt. I'm literally falling apart. I can see that I'm losing myself all over again. Is it back? Am I going to go through it all over again? Depression? Is that it? I don't want to go there all over again because I know this time I won't survive. I'm no longer strong. As for my fighting spirit I don't want to go there because I don't know what that is. My survival instinct is gone. I don't think I will be able to handle this. Why is it that every time I try to be happy this has to happen? Why me? Who have I sinned this much to go through this? You of all people should know that this battle is not for me. I can't even cry anymore. I'm tired, seriously. If this is how my life will unfold I'd rather die. I hate seeing myself like this because I know very well that I won't survive. I'm already dead emotionally. Why don't you just make my life simple just this once and just take me. I am tired of asking for peace and happiness because I've already seen that I don't deserve them. I was born to die, excuse the pun and sarcasm but I don't know what to do anymore. There's nothing I've never tried. Seems like it'll always be like this.

Dear Universe I'm just asking you to just set me free this once, just this once.
© Kabetswe