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♥️ pain and healing and grief the messy part
honest words : Madison Kim.
poetry
the rape nearly broke me
but it did not destroy me
i had to learn
how to put myself back together again
because no one else would
i questioned why im alive
it’s so i could write this
when i pick myself up again.
why can’t we love our natural selves
i looked back in the mirror
applied the makeup
and yet i have never felt so empty
cause i wouldn’t dare
see my broken ugly self
in the mirror
bruised, battered, pained
why would i do that
does it mean i hate myself?
grief
anxiety
depression
pretending
froze me in place
while everyone else
lived their lives
i froze
trauma changed me
i could never
be the same
ever again
PTSD shook me to the core
and somehow
im still standing….
darling
that is strength
strength and weakness
look so similar
it’s tragic
coffee
a journal
and ink
the words flow out like magic.
Ladies,
don’t let anyone tell you
your strong willed personality
is a bad thing
it is your greatest strength
don’t ever apologize.
your poison slipped from your tongue so easily
yet im the guilty party
what a way to gaslight
i sometimes wished you’d quiet down your loud voice to let your daughter speak but you grew up in a culture where speaking up is a form of disrespect so i took hit after hit and sadly you died so i had to put those pieces back together because nobody else would.
art is a form of escapism.
it’s why i say
im called
the escape artist
life becomes too impossible
so i write, draw, sketch, act
it’s an escape from reality.
numbing is a temporary solution
we must grieve
and push through the mud
filled with pain
and sadness
that deep rooted anger
we must sit through
to see the light again.
You’re strong, I can tell because you’re reading this right now despite the heaviness in your heart. Your existence is brilliant, the way you move through a battlefield, refusing to give up. I know it’s been tough, maybe life hasn’t gone the way you’d hoped and sometimes you feel like you won’t survive this feeling but you always do. Your courage to keep going is inspirational, you inspire me. You inspired this. Thank you.
stop hoping he will change because he won’t. he doesn’t give a fuck about anyone but himself. his actions have proved that. fuck if you tried you fought now it’s time to move on!
Don’t let him drop your crown. it is yours to claim and yours only.
gaslight
emotional abuse
fighting
heated arguments
and worse
darling
it’s time to let him go
and accept how he is
and move on…
don’t let him destroy you.
those tired eyes
the dark circles
deserve rest
and love and care
stop worrying about him
he’s not worrying about you
it’s time to let it go
and move on
let yourself breathe again
loosen the rope he tied
around your neck
breathe darling
it’s time…
goodbye.
some people only learn to appreciate you by losing you.
i know it hurts
but your worth
is much more
than a shitty guy
who doesn’t
give a fuck about you
he showed you
his true colors
when he forced
himself on you
without consent
if he doesn’t understand consent
leave
and move on.
don’t let him win.
don’t reply to his stupid texts
it’s full of lies
give yourself a chance to reflect
you can breathe without him
shine
see the sun again
find a goal
pursue that goal
go shopping
go on a walk
buy some ice cream
or frozen yogurt
go on a run
scream let it out
then heal and rise again
start now.
stop begging him
real love is natural
you won’t have to question
he doesn’t care
how you feel
and what you have to say
that’s how pathetic men
and predators
sniff out women like us
and spread us with fake love
fake fucking promises
and lies
don’t fall for it
leave and move on
fuck you tried
i know
but it’s time
to focus on you
and see the light.
boundaries are a clear form of respect
if he violates them
it means he doesn’t care
it’s time to leave him
you’ll rise again without him
give those eyes a rest
you look tired
don’t you think
you deserve better?
why are you still holding on to a fuck-boy
there’s more life for
you to live
get out of there
see the sun again
eat your favorite meal
buy a cake
watch your favorite show
go for a drive
sing
dance like no one’s watching
find a hobby
the light is ahead
waiting for you
it has so much more
to offer you
than that shit bag ever could.
he’s killing you
cause you’re letting him
what’s it gonna take
stop being in denial
you’re stressed already
it’s time to let his dumbass go.
you need to find yourself again
love isn’t a game
yet he treats it
like it is
and treats you like garbage.
You are full of courage and strength even when you feel empty inside. I hope you feel seen right now. I hope you know that no matter how dark it gets, you will find your light.
sometimes a loss is actually a transformation. embrace it. it’s your chance to be the stronger one now.
You’ll never find what you need in the arms of someone who doesn’t deserve you.
Don’t text back. The past has nothing new to show you.
Sometimes you have to let go of what you want so that you can get closer to what you need.
I’ve been there, waiting around, hopeful for some sort of change, maybe things will get better, maybe my effort will inspire something different but I’ve always come to the conclusion that if a person sees nothing wrong with the way they hurt you then there is no real reason for them to change those ways. When someone is content with mistreating you, choosing yourself is the only option. Walking away is the only choice.
I don’t know where you are or when you’ll see this, but just like a rose in search of a season to bloom, your moment is coming, and it doesn’t matter who witnesses it. You grow, evolve, and bloom for yourself because you deserve the beauty that you display and the love that you give.
part 2
mother you told me to bow down my head as a form of respect when you yourself had none to give because it was all a lie. i remember your harmful actions and actions speak louder than words. you nearly broke me and now i’m left to put those pieces back together. i remember everything you did to me. same goes for my father. he’s in heaven now. it takes the most ultimate grace and strength to say this after how he treated me… but i hope heaven is giving him a second chance.
once i walked away and saw objectively what they have done to me and the extent of the damage, i put the pieces together and learned to heal. mothers and fathers are meant to be a safe haven. instead it was hell and i had to hide and lock my bedroom door as well as record everything on my phone.
i can’t love you two no more. not worth hanging onto parents who don’t give a shit about me.
when my father died i had too many questions now i have this hole in my gut that won’t go away because of the grief and anguish and our memories i wish i could forget. i remember the arguments, screaming, yelling, abuse, throwing shit at me. yeah. that horrible. i remember everything and i guess writing this is my way to heal.
my joy and feeling of safety was taken when my father passed. i never thought i would have PTSD and such horrible anxiety and depression. pain is so palpable and healing is messy. ignoring the pain made it worse. in grief you just bleed out then get up and it happens again and again. there’s no rule book for grief. fuck what others are saying.
poetry
the rape nearly broke me
but it did not destroy me
i had to learn
how to put myself back together again
because no one else would
i questioned why im alive
it’s so i could write this
when i pick myself up again.
why can’t we love our natural selves
i looked back in the mirror
applied the makeup
and yet i have never felt so empty
cause i wouldn’t dare
see my broken ugly self
in the mirror
bruised, battered, pained
why would i do that
does it mean i hate myself?
grief
anxiety
depression
pretending
froze me in place
while everyone else
lived their lives
i froze
trauma changed me
i could never
be the same
ever again
PTSD shook me to the core
and somehow
im still standing….
darling
that is strength
strength and weakness
look so similar
it’s tragic
coffee
a journal
and ink
the words flow out like magic.
Ladies,
don’t let anyone tell you
your strong willed personality
is a bad thing
it is your greatest strength
don’t ever apologize.
your poison slipped from your tongue so easily
yet im the guilty party
what a way to gaslight
i sometimes wished you’d quiet down your loud voice to let your daughter speak but you grew up in a culture where speaking up is a form of disrespect so i took hit after hit and sadly you died so i had to put those pieces back together because nobody else would.
art is a form of escapism.
it’s why i say
im called
the escape artist
life becomes too impossible
so i write, draw, sketch, act
it’s an escape from reality.
numbing is a temporary solution
we must grieve
and push through the mud
filled with pain
and sadness
that deep rooted anger
we must sit through
to see the light again.
You’re strong, I can tell because you’re reading this right now despite the heaviness in your heart. Your existence is brilliant, the way you move through a battlefield, refusing to give up. I know it’s been tough, maybe life hasn’t gone the way you’d hoped and sometimes you feel like you won’t survive this feeling but you always do. Your courage to keep going is inspirational, you inspire me. You inspired this. Thank you.
stop hoping he will change because he won’t. he doesn’t give a fuck about anyone but himself. his actions have proved that. fuck if you tried you fought now it’s time to move on!
Don’t let him drop your crown. it is yours to claim and yours only.
gaslight
emotional abuse
fighting
heated arguments
and worse
darling
it’s time to let him go
and accept how he is
and move on…
don’t let him destroy you.
those tired eyes
the dark circles
deserve rest
and love and care
stop worrying about him
he’s not worrying about you
it’s time to let it go
and move on
let yourself breathe again
loosen the rope he tied
around your neck
breathe darling
it’s time…
goodbye.
some people only learn to appreciate you by losing you.
i know it hurts
but your worth
is much more
than a shitty guy
who doesn’t
give a fuck about you
he showed you
his true colors
when he forced
himself on you
without consent
if he doesn’t understand consent
leave
and move on.
don’t let him win.
don’t reply to his stupid texts
it’s full of lies
give yourself a chance to reflect
you can breathe without him
shine
see the sun again
find a goal
pursue that goal
go shopping
go on a walk
buy some ice cream
or frozen yogurt
go on a run
scream let it out
then heal and rise again
start now.
stop begging him
real love is natural
you won’t have to question
he doesn’t care
how you feel
and what you have to say
that’s how pathetic men
and predators
sniff out women like us
and spread us with fake love
fake fucking promises
and lies
don’t fall for it
leave and move on
fuck you tried
i know
but it’s time
to focus on you
and see the light.
boundaries are a clear form of respect
if he violates them
it means he doesn’t care
it’s time to leave him
you’ll rise again without him
give those eyes a rest
you look tired
don’t you think
you deserve better?
why are you still holding on to a fuck-boy
there’s more life for
you to live
get out of there
see the sun again
eat your favorite meal
buy a cake
watch your favorite show
go for a drive
sing
dance like no one’s watching
find a hobby
the light is ahead
waiting for you
it has so much more
to offer you
than that shit bag ever could.
he’s killing you
cause you’re letting him
what’s it gonna take
stop being in denial
you’re stressed already
it’s time to let his dumbass go.
you need to find yourself again
love isn’t a game
yet he treats it
like it is
and treats you like garbage.
You are full of courage and strength even when you feel empty inside. I hope you feel seen right now. I hope you know that no matter how dark it gets, you will find your light.
sometimes a loss is actually a transformation. embrace it. it’s your chance to be the stronger one now.
You’ll never find what you need in the arms of someone who doesn’t deserve you.
Don’t text back. The past has nothing new to show you.
Sometimes you have to let go of what you want so that you can get closer to what you need.
I’ve been there, waiting around, hopeful for some sort of change, maybe things will get better, maybe my effort will inspire something different but I’ve always come to the conclusion that if a person sees nothing wrong with the way they hurt you then there is no real reason for them to change those ways. When someone is content with mistreating you, choosing yourself is the only option. Walking away is the only choice.
I don’t know where you are or when you’ll see this, but just like a rose in search of a season to bloom, your moment is coming, and it doesn’t matter who witnesses it. You grow, evolve, and bloom for yourself because you deserve the beauty that you display and the love that you give.
part 2
mother you told me to bow down my head as a form of respect when you yourself had none to give because it was all a lie. i remember your harmful actions and actions speak louder than words. you nearly broke me and now i’m left to put those pieces back together. i remember everything you did to me. same goes for my father. he’s in heaven now. it takes the most ultimate grace and strength to say this after how he treated me… but i hope heaven is giving him a second chance.
once i walked away and saw objectively what they have done to me and the extent of the damage, i put the pieces together and learned to heal. mothers and fathers are meant to be a safe haven. instead it was hell and i had to hide and lock my bedroom door as well as record everything on my phone.
i can’t love you two no more. not worth hanging onto parents who don’t give a shit about me.
when my father died i had too many questions now i have this hole in my gut that won’t go away because of the grief and anguish and our memories i wish i could forget. i remember the arguments, screaming, yelling, abuse, throwing shit at me. yeah. that horrible. i remember everything and i guess writing this is my way to heal.
my joy and feeling of safety was taken when my father passed. i never thought i would have PTSD and such horrible anxiety and depression. pain is so palpable and healing is messy. ignoring the pain made it worse. in grief you just bleed out then get up and it happens again and again. there’s no rule book for grief. fuck what others are saying.
