3 views
huito, & lavender oil
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
wandered by wild fields & water
marched over concrete with staccato steps
hey mr. heron across two bridges & a tiny waterfall
your grey body under a white throat is so still and graceful
crouched on crunchy pebble path to stare
dipped fingers in flow of river
you stand there knee-deep and lonely
squirrel stares in silence, mouth stuffed with a green acorn
leaf-shaped stain runs on wet concrete
stopped under purple-green tree with leathery star-shaped leaves
smelled leaves, no information came from nose
walked, walked, walked
fast through forest
feet rolled on road
hey ms. n across the room
are you reading lines to me
when you say it “got me through”
i disagree & you can’t define the meaning
are you lying to me
read 골프 advertisements in waiting room newspaper
she stared at the koi on my fingers
i am indigo-stained
she asked about the flowers on my palms
i am nothing, like i told you before
just an indigo stain
it was the kind of screaming that tears at the throat, damaging, desperate
it was endless, ms. n across the room, and i agree that “terror” is an accurate description
please stop it with the caveman ancestor explanations
it’s unnecessary seeing as these things apply in the modern day
it’s disrespectful to our ancestors
it’s reaching, demeaning, doesn’t add depth to the explanation
please explain what you meant because that doesn’t make sense
got me through, you said, but it doesn’t make sense, are you reading lines to me, ms. n across the room?
she cheered me as i lifted boxes, said, i’m just so broken right now
she held the door
waited at the roadside for the bus that didn’t come
watched the drivers drive past and turn their heads to stare at me until they got too far
one after the other, why, is it my orange shirt, my hijab, just my presence as a human on the roadside where they don’t expect to see people?
felt the stares, maybe i will stop staining my palms, all around me on the bus and in the classroom
felt the lingering of eyes, the tracking gazes
bought a chocolate bar, shouldn’t have, ate the whole thing, shouldn’t have
eyes were thirsty
it’s 6:50 pm please respond to me, it’s been a week, you promised, hello?
i am nothing, like i told you before
indigo stains
indigo koi swim across fingers & under skin & make blood blue until i can’t breathe from the scaly bodies clogging my chest, ah, a—
(help)
yes, it was terror
all alone in the chaos
nowhere to hide, my bendy hands too small to block the violence
breathed with shoulders & defied
erased self, defied
i am nothing, like i told you before
deep blue shadow in the living-room corner
stain between sofa-cushions
cake-frosting under chair
nothing
you are nothing, all of you, just static in the background
you buzz in my ears but i’m not listening
everything is blue
ue-u-uee
eyelids were hot, eyeballs were thirsty
a-ah
you were so devoid of color
you’re just static in my vision, you’re nothing
i see your shadow but can’t look at you because you’re not real
and you can’t see me without eyes to funnel the blue light that drowns me,
scream
not that you know what it means
hey mr. heron across two bridges and a tiny waterfall,
how are you so serene?
standing there like a cloud in the sky, knee deep
i crouch in the brush to stare but i’m full of chaos
ue-u-uee
crossed at the crosswalk, marched over concrete
chocolates in pockets
flies in drinks
packed lunches with carrots and celeries
locked in the room with only my crunchy fingers to close my ears with
scream
not that you know what it means
i am nothing, like i told you before
so forget me who does not exist
see past me see through me or see nothing at all
everything is blue.
wandered by wild fields & water
marched over concrete with staccato steps
hey mr. heron across two bridges & a tiny waterfall
your grey body under a white throat is so still and graceful
crouched on crunchy pebble path to stare
dipped fingers in flow of river
you stand there knee-deep and lonely
squirrel stares in silence, mouth stuffed with a green acorn
leaf-shaped stain runs on wet concrete
stopped under purple-green tree with leathery star-shaped leaves
smelled leaves, no information came from nose
walked, walked, walked
fast through forest
feet rolled on road
hey ms. n across the room
are you reading lines to me
when you say it “got me through”
i disagree & you can’t define the meaning
are you lying to me
read 골프 advertisements in waiting room newspaper
she stared at the koi on my fingers
i am indigo-stained
she asked about the flowers on my palms
i am nothing, like i told you before
just an indigo stain
it was the kind of screaming that tears at the throat, damaging, desperate
it was endless, ms. n across the room, and i agree that “terror” is an accurate description
please stop it with the caveman ancestor explanations
it’s unnecessary seeing as these things apply in the modern day
it’s disrespectful to our ancestors
it’s reaching, demeaning, doesn’t add depth to the explanation
please explain what you meant because that doesn’t make sense
got me through, you said, but it doesn’t make sense, are you reading lines to me, ms. n across the room?
she cheered me as i lifted boxes, said, i’m just so broken right now
she held the door
waited at the roadside for the bus that didn’t come
watched the drivers drive past and turn their heads to stare at me until they got too far
one after the other, why, is it my orange shirt, my hijab, just my presence as a human on the roadside where they don’t expect to see people?
felt the stares, maybe i will stop staining my palms, all around me on the bus and in the classroom
felt the lingering of eyes, the tracking gazes
bought a chocolate bar, shouldn’t have, ate the whole thing, shouldn’t have
eyes were thirsty
it’s 6:50 pm please respond to me, it’s been a week, you promised, hello?
i am nothing, like i told you before
indigo stains
indigo koi swim across fingers & under skin & make blood blue until i can’t breathe from the scaly bodies clogging my chest, ah, a—
(help)
yes, it was terror
all alone in the chaos
nowhere to hide, my bendy hands too small to block the violence
breathed with shoulders & defied
erased self, defied
i am nothing, like i told you before
deep blue shadow in the living-room corner
stain between sofa-cushions
cake-frosting under chair
nothing
you are nothing, all of you, just static in the background
you buzz in my ears but i’m not listening
everything is blue
ue-u-uee
eyelids were hot, eyeballs were thirsty
a-ah
you were so devoid of color
you’re just static in my vision, you’re nothing
i see your shadow but can’t look at you because you’re not real
and you can’t see me without eyes to funnel the blue light that drowns me,
scream
not that you know what it means
hey mr. heron across two bridges and a tiny waterfall,
how are you so serene?
standing there like a cloud in the sky, knee deep
i crouch in the brush to stare but i’m full of chaos
ue-u-uee
crossed at the crosswalk, marched over concrete
chocolates in pockets
flies in drinks
packed lunches with carrots and celeries
locked in the room with only my crunchy fingers to close my ears with
scream
not that you know what it means
i am nothing, like i told you before
so forget me who does not exist
see past me see through me or see nothing at all
everything is blue.
