Everything has been so weird lately.
I'm improving,
that's the one thing I know.

I'm improving the habits, stationary..
I'm improving my diet and nutrition.
I'm improving my physical activity amounts.
I'm improving my sleeping hours,
I'm improving my relationships,

and yet,
I'm also getting worse.

I've been sleeping to die, to get away from everything, everything in life,
I've been in my room, drowning myself with music, away from all reailty,
I've been randomly crying while in thought, I can't control my thoughts,
I've been waking up with pain all over, medicine,
I'm there, but I can't focus, I can't understand anything,
I've been physically unable to stand most of the day, occasional falls,
I've been too tired to do anything new or requiring effort, haven't done few hobbies in a while.

I'm always going through stuff,
But it sometimes, hits me differently.
I said no stationary, and I no longer mean no stationary, not anymore,
I'm doing some other sht too,
I can't really control it though.
Another version of a,
spiral.

I can't tell if I'm alive anymore.
I can't tell anything anymore.
I feel only around some special people,
Otherwise,
there's something in my mind, that I can't stop,
that wants to purely destroy me.

Everythings all over the place.
I'm so,
confused.


(note: stationary=sh)