I want to be 12 again laughing with you on the playground
you encouraging me to get in the big tire and roll down the hill but me being too scared
I miss seeing you eating pomegranates every week
I miss being the last kids left in after school
just me and you, and the wooden table
I miss seeing you mess with other kids
I miss your sense of humor and you being the reason I laughed so hard my lungs hurt
all while my heart felt like it was gonna burst
I loved you since we were kids
I loved you after
I love you now
I always will
I miss telling you why my heart hurt and you telling me none of those boys were worth the fuss
that you wish you could turn their kneecaps inwards
I miss you holding me in your arms and us watching the disco lights in your room
I miss climbing up into the crawl space in your closet and playing jenga with you
and you telling me how you worshipped mayan gods
I miss sharing orange fanta licorice with you and watching the waves and fish below
I miss you carrying me through the hall of ripley’s believe it or not because I was too scared to turn a corner
I miss even seeing you on your bad days and holding you trying to hug you tight enough to stick the broken pieces back together
when I looked at you, I still saw that sweet little boy I always had loved when we were kids
your inner child never died
but you did
why?
I’m left on this earth with no goodbye
grief hits me so hard I want to perish
I miss you so much I can hardly bare it
-k.m.
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