Drifting through the clouds in my head I tossed my head back swallowing my pain away, even if it was temporary I could throw away myself and pretend that I wasn't here locked in this inconvenient flesh.

Laughing, the fair weather friend beside me who thought I was joking pulled me a little closer.

My confession as always brought a smile to their lips, the participants in my self-destruction never believed me.

Tumbling into oblivion my muddled mind sought only silence at a brain struggling to send out self preservation orders to the dancing limbs being dragged through the dark crowd to the open night away from prying eyes.

His face nothing but a blur I smiled wryly wondering if I was finally being lead to freedom...

Eyes burnt by the morning ache at the sunlight, another day another face I don't remember grinning back at me, another false liberator...

Slipping out back into world seeking absolution and a way out of this existence I welcomed any stranger who'd make this version of me a memory I foraged and found none.

Sitting here looking back at her knowing she'd laugh and slap herself right now if she could see my betrayal.

I still hate this prison but who am I to decide when the door opens?


© CM