I had a hole in my heart since the day I was born.
When they say I wouldn't live, I refuse to conform.
This world that I live in is so dark, it's hard to see.
I had to fight to survive, survive to stay alive, hoping that maybe one day I'll be free.

So now I'm 20 years old, but when you hurt me, I'm suddenly 5.
I have all these questions with no answers and nothing can dry these tears from my eyes.
I want to scream and yell, but just shut up and take it all in.
So again I'm 5 years old, sad, empty, alone and shaken.

That hole in my heart got smaller as time passed, until it was completely whole.
Bore the two loves of my life, fully fulfilled, my heart, my body, my soul.
Everyday that goes by is the best day of my life, not a care in the world, whatsoever.
Even through rough times, I just look at their faces, simple as that…everything's better.

So now I'm 30 years old but when you hurt me, I'm suddenly five.
I have all these questions with no answers and nothing can dry these tears from my eyes.
I want to scream and yell, but just shut up and take it all in.
So again I'm 5 years old, sad, empty, alone and shaken.

Watching them grow day to day, every year seems like the best.
My heart is whole, still full, pretty confident that I have passed the test.
Pretty soon they'll be on their way, I'll have moments of sadness, dwelling on how the time flew.
However, I'll be right there as they start their families, and many more precious moments to look forward to.

So now I'm 40 years old, but when you hurt me, I'm suddenly 5.
I have all these questions with no answers and nothing can dry these tears from my eyes.
I want to scream and yell, but just shut up and take it all in.
So again I'm 5 years old, sad, empty, alone and shaken.

Age doesn't seem to be hindering me, as I literally skateboard down memory lane.
My heart is still whole, more sure of myself than ever and gotten rid of the past guilt and shame.
So happy, so free, a new chapter in my life, I'm grateful for this time to be me.
In these older years, sure that I've swam out from that undertow…at least that's what I'd like to believe.

So I'm almost 50 years old now, but damn, when you hurt me, again, I'm 5.
I have all these questions with no answers and nothing can dry these tears from my eyes.
I want to scream and yell, but just shut up and take it all in.
So again I'm 5 years old, sad, empty, alone and shaken.

The hurt is like a knife puncturing my heart and your words cannot be erased.
Time cannot heal this reoccurring wound, it's just a place for the scars to embrace.
Time is not the answer, I need to figure out how to set boundaries with you.
It's like one moment I'm riding the perfect wave and in an instant I'm in the witches brew.

So today I'm 50 years old, but when you hurt me, I won't be 5.
Have some answers to my questions, but today I won't allow you to make those tears flow from my eyes.
Today I start building my wall, my mote, lol… or whatever it is I need to do.
I love you so much, always have, always will, but I am going to start loving me too.





© Summer Power