crippling thoughts
it’s funny, just how paranoid I would get when the phone rang more than twice
often what goes through my mind was “someone probably died”
depends on who was calling.
my mother called it pathetic,cause when I picked up the phone with pannick in my voice
i ask, “are you okay mom? and dad? and Samuel and Joseph and grandma? Is everyone okay? i would ask as I lean on my door
the flat line of silence before my mom starts to giggle, “poor child” she’d say…… why worry? we are all alright.
slowly, consistently I started letting loose, fewer panics as my family would often report to be fine
i guess what i feared was them getting a endless call…. telling them about how their first child might have drowned her self….. in deep despair and sorrow
“I’m sorry mrs Victoria but your daughter took her own life”
I feared that, maybe someone else thinks the same as me, has more courage to jump the bridges I had climbed multiple times.
it’s funny how I worry that the next call would be from the police telling them I threw the towel.

© Drunken2004