I was reckless like I’m sure everyone dreams of being, willing to stake my life on it
and then throw it all away with the bath water,
and the bucket, and the baby
the baby
the baby
the baby.
but that hurts to much too think about.

too [ ] to write.
too [ ] to do my work.
too [ ] to even remember the first time we made love.
too [ ] to even try and slow my descent.
and now here I am talking about it,
thinking about it,
even though I said I wouldn’t.

but it doesn’t matter immediately now.
because
the reckoning has come and it comes again
every day.
the future glimmers in my sweaty hands
and I try to listen.
try to understand what they’re saying
means in my own life.
try try try try
and sleep when I’m done.
I fall right into sleep when I’m done.

there’s more to do,
more to sort through,
but I just do some.
and fall right to sleep
when I’m done.