I'm told that God is unconditional love, but also a Trinity of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

I am told that the bible has his word (along with other religious texts), and those words should be followed. I am also told that science has replaced God in modern society.

I am told that faith is a leap of believing something without actual proof. Yet, also, that without proof, we are idiots for following something blindly.

In my regular questioning of my own faith over the years, I've found comfort in the ways of my religion. I've found real community, and a guideline for at least a minimum of humanity in living, working, playing, and loving those around me.

Call it whatever you want, but I believe in God as the spirit that connects us to each other and to everything around us. I believe because I see God's existence behind the eyes of my wife and children. I see it in people as they help one another through crises. I see it in the way most people at least try to get along. I even see it in nature itself with it's wonderous mysteries that science still cannot explain (and in the things science hasn't even discovered yet). I even see it in the endless search in human beings for something bigger than ourselves. I see it even still in people choosing to get up again and again through pain and disappointment to ultimately win in their lives.

But what of the suffering? How could a benevolent God leave so many of the world's people starving, sick, homeless, committing suicide, drug addicted, parentless, grieving, poor, desolate, and all the rest. It is a dilemma. Is there some myaterious force called God that should be taking care of us?

Is the definition of God as Love an ideal we have created to define what we believe to embody what is good and pure? Are religious teachings about a God's unbreakable laws (and/or the spirit of those laws) and how they teach us to strive for perfection in how we handle our lives? (even though we KNOW we can never be perfect.)

God exists in my heart and mind. At least I know this. I choose to believe in the ideal and that, I reason, is therefore my belief in God. That connection and responsibility to my fellow men and women is where God exists in me. That connection to my family and friends is where God extends from my soul. My actions in this world are where God shows up and I thrust that belief and God's work through me into reality.

Still I have a hard time believing that any force or spirit is out there for the sole purpose of caring for or loving me. That's my own limitation: I cannot bring myself to expect anything from anyone (except maybe a general and common respect).

My gift to the world is my and everyone else's independence. That sounds lonely, but it's not. To me, there's the sense of God in that. It's a sense of wanting to be good enough for myself and others, to help myself and others, to love myself and others. It's a connected kind of interdependence that allows for "me to be me" and "you to be you", but for both of us to reach out for help when needed, but to respect each other enough to believe that we can fend for ourselves at all other times.

I consider my belief in God a strength because it pushes me to seek to be ultimately a good force in the world. Whether I succeed at all times to do it is irrelevant. It's a guideline for my values, goals, and actions. Those beliefs bring God from my heart into reality even thought I am only playing my little part in the grand scheme of things.

In one sense, that means that to me God is Love, but in another sense I guess that means... God just Is? God is just what Is and nothing more? We are all part of God's plan because we are all placed in this world and reality together? Nothing is good or bad except what we decide it is? No. There is some definite good and bad and right and wrong here in this reality.

So, God is the good and pure and every temptation, malady, addiction, and evil is the opposite of God in my belief system. Still, whatever happens, is beyond me, and will transcend my brief time on this planet.

So then, God exists and continues to exist whether I believe or not. Right?

Then my choice to follow the good and reject the evil is just my choice. Even my choice to decide what is good and evil in my limited experience is again just my choice. Then it means that my choices are what bring good and evil into my life and into other people's lives (except maybe for things like natural disasters which are outside of my choices). So, I am responsible for my actions and choices, and what I believe directly influences those choices.

Therefore, I'm forced, at least for now, to conclude that: God exists in my heart and is demonstrated by my choices and actions in direct responsibility to my own wellbeing and the wellbeing of those around me, but also exists everywhere around us and will forever be rather wholly unexplained.

Well, that's it then, I've explained everything and maybe also nothing.







© Keith Tully