It's 3 am and I'm lying in bed
Thinking about dying
I imagine oblivion
What it would feel like to not feel
Or not be
To not exist
And I feel so small, wrapped in covers
Wanting to be big
I shiver at my life half lived
In my worst fears I imagine dying suddenly
Mid sentence
A thought half finished
No finality
But I'm not dead yet
And it's morbid to dwell on this I'm told
So I try to turn the thoughts to static
And put my dread on standby
I imagine living instead

© Diane Lawlor