In the quiet arrival of this year,
It didn't start off so great,
I felt happy, really happy, at first,
But then I lost some pieces of myself.

It wasn't just once or twice, but more,
Life trying to complete a puzzle
without all the right pieces there.
I was never ready for the worst,
Nobody ever really is, you know.

Preparing for the bad times
felt like putting my head underwater,
scared I'd disappear and never come back.

Most days felt heavy, like an umbrella
after the rain, dragging me down.

Sometimes I wish things were different,
I wish I faced things in a different way,
I wonder if not being here at all
would've made things better.

I'm not sure about anything,
the path doesn't seem straight,
I've had to put pieces of myself back together.

I lost sleep, a lot of it,
my mind feels tired but won't rest.
Honestly, I feel like I'm lost.

Friends disappeared, vanished,
maybe they weren't really there,
or maybe it was just one-sided.
Saying I had no friends seems easier.

Understanding how life works,
I'm not ready for more struggles.
People seem to leave,
only caring when it's too late.

Family, the one I belong to,
it's strange how now they care,
but I don't really care anymore.

This year, I wish it could just blur away,
it didn't teach me much,
or maybe I just can't remember.

Nothing new seems to be coming,
every day feels like the one before.

I'm tired,
I wish emotions didn't exist.

© camvickbone