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On jealousy
Sometimes when I look at other people's expressions of themselves - their art
I can't help but feel an instant intensity driving a fist of utter devastation right into my core
Why couldn't I explore myself with as much attention and detail as them?
Why can't I do anything properly?
And if I can't even explore myself in detail - of what worth has my entire life been?
I don't have answers to these questions
But all I have learnt is to take deep breaths and keep repeating that it's okay, maybe someday ...
I know I am lying to myself ...
And the shadow that has enveloped me ever since birth, tightens it's grip ever so slightly
And the sensation of a bottomless nothingness brewing within - spilling over into my veins - replacing my blood - becomes ever so prominent
The edge keeps approaching ... nearer... and nearer
© Saibal Samadder
I can't help but feel an instant intensity driving a fist of utter devastation right into my core
Why couldn't I explore myself with as much attention and detail as them?
Why can't I do anything properly?
And if I can't even explore myself in detail - of what worth has my entire life been?
I don't have answers to these questions
But all I have learnt is to take deep breaths and keep repeating that it's okay, maybe someday ...
I know I am lying to myself ...
And the shadow that has enveloped me ever since birth, tightens it's grip ever so slightly
And the sensation of a bottomless nothingness brewing within - spilling over into my veins - replacing my blood - becomes ever so prominent
The edge keeps approaching ... nearer... and nearer
© Saibal Samadder
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