It's lonely where my spirit lies
a mustard seed of Faith just so my soul won't die
Still a damaged broken little girl inside
Who hides behind
the tears I Cry
I give you and them
the best of me
leaving nothing for myself
Letting my enemies
take the rest of me
heart chain bound securely
Padlocked locked up
Weary from endlessly
Searching in what or who
Holds the key
Only to realize
Self love i must recognize
To heal my heart
Meant loving me
so sweet, love the world, pushes even evil to believe
things will change
he will make a way
yet myself
I still can't see
My confidence
only comes from compliments
I receive
As if you only see
a mirage of the real me
bruised from insecurities
So convincing on
Knowing my purpose
when I actually question our reality
of what Earth is
at times Im willing
To live in your dream
Since nothing is ever
As It Seems
constant change, evolving, growing,
though the pain
makes me want to give up
Wished it was physical
Only emotional
No scars to prove healing
Reopening wounds
Leaving jagged cuts
the type of person who could kill you
and cry at your funeral
Not seriously
Just describing
How i must be
insane
even considered someone cursing my name
How it can all be fine
While i watch it get better
things start going great I'll ruin it myself since I learned to self-sabotage
At 4 experienced sexual assault
Left feeling neglected
Unprotected
The act of Kindness
Now created fear
that is what he used
To manipulate
with my innocents ripped away
also went my mind
I'm just trying to hold on to What's Left
Fighting not to be the cause Of why
i take my last breath.
Some may be confused
or in fear of what I would do
but those who know me or can relate
know i would endure
the pain myself
before I would ever hurt you
I do it daily
Abused by my
very own thoughts
Searching for belonging
all my life feeling lost.
Waking up each day
On a mission
Just to feel okk
Whatever it takes
Ill do
Even if harmful
Not realizing
what all ill lose
Just to numb
My brain
Blocking out the pain
Washing away memories
Staying in my own lane
Seeming so outgoing
Beautiful and
full of life
Qualities in me
I also despise
To know love
Nothing left of me
to sacrafice.

-Remedy Mirage-