It happened long ago,
when we became friends
You were nerdy, unsure of yourself, and had little friends
I was dating a boy—who wasn’t meant for me
I thought he was. I tried to make it work. it wasn’t meant to be.
You liked me and you told me but I didn’t like you back
but you stayed my friend and dealt with that
As time went on you quickly became my best friend
our connection was like no other I had felt before…
I couldn’t wait to be with you. My favorite thing to do.
I started to wonder if I liked you
then I told myself no, he’s not attractive enough for you
he’s just a friend, a really close one if you liked him you would know
then more time went on and I realized I liked him
and that all of my favorite moments, feelings, and conversations were with him
I still hasn’t ended my relationship yet, I was scared to leave
stupid me
…
I still remember the day we sat next to each other outside on your front porch swing
you in your hoody, hands in your pockets
somehow I brought up dating
between you and me
you said it’s weird to talk about it
I said I don’t think it is
I asked you if you thought we would work
you said no
I asked why and you couldn’t think of a reason
I couldn’t either
then we both went inside
I should’ve told you I loved you
but I didn’t realize it at the time
then September came and I’m finally single
but then you weren’t
you were with her…
and I cried one morning before class while walking down a country road
The sun was shining bright against the dry corn stalks, the breeze pushed the tall grass around and it made a melancholy sound
It was beautiful
I knew you would find it beautiful too
because you see things deeply like I do, you understand me
You get me
and
I get you
You were great
And now it’s too late
It should’ve been you
Henry, it should’ve been us
I love you
I think, I always will
I know, I always will
but now it’s too late
I dread the day I have to watch her walk down the aisle at your wedding, sitting in the crowd
when I should be the one in that gown
walking towards your big smile, the one I adore
I would feel confident that it was right because everything felt right with you
Everything felt easy
If only I could go back, I’d chose you
I would’ve choosen you a million times over
I’m so pained that your gone
so many things remind me of you
I miss you
stupid, me
I only hope to find another soulmate I love as much as I love you
~Ava Stevens