The thing you do when you're fed up with life.
When things aren't going your way and stupid things just keep happening.
It's not even them not going your way. It's more them not going how they should be going.
Such as you try to do right and keep trying yet everyone keeps knocking you down as if you are doing wrong.

So in the end this frustrates you. This bubbles and erupts as hot lava spews out. You say freak it and just go do "bad" things hoping since everyone else seems to get away with it, why can't you?

But of course, someone tries to interfere and is like "this isn't you". Yet who is it then?! It is me. It is me trying to find myself. Trying to stop getting into the situations I continue to get into.

This is me trying to survive and find a purpose even if they are "bad" things.
Why can't I self-destruct like any other person?
Why do I have to be the one to constantly care.
Constantly love. Constantly think of everyone else before myself.

Is it not enough to for once actually care about myself for once? Yet when I do, it's not who I am. I'm told. It's not my personality or character.

© BearlyRaquel