They say it's all in my head,
I reply it feels too real.
They say it's all just a phase,
I tell them it is more of a process.

No one understands the pattern,
Only I know what haunts me.
It envelops me and transform me,
Into a nice looking creature within reach.

Only the creature isn't so nice,
It's actually different, in a scary way.
But they don't understand,
That I'm diving deep.

In simple words,
It is referred to as 'Growin up'.
Except, It's much more than that.
It is much more tangled.

It's pattern is like that of a peacock, Interwined yet so beautiful.
Its twist is like that of a spiral coil, strong yet unstable.

There are times of enthusiastic happiness.
Those of depressing sadness.
And worst of all,
Serene emptiness.

That void atmosphere of feeling nothing, thinking nothing, wanting nothing.
So many thoughts yet an empty mind.
So many happenings yet unperturbed.
Just simply, figuring it out.

Obsessed with temporary teenage environment.
Optimistic about existing goals and dreams.
Saddened by Tender soothing memories.
Scared of unforseen events and future mistakes.

Scared it won't fall into place.
Scared of a future of downfalls and wasted dreams.
Scared of death with unfulfilled duties.
Scared of an unhappy adulthood.

It's depressing,
Cos all I can do is imagine.
Think and dream,
Of that which may happen or not happen.

Scared of change.
Scared of responsibilities.
Scared of messing up.
Scared of an untamed mind.

But, Overall.. having hope.
Remembering that..

We aren't changing who we are.
Rather we are transforming,
Into the humans we were made to be.

And the lucky part is,
We don't need to grow up too fast.


© dh_irah✨🦋