Inspired by the Lana Del Rey song A&W(a.k.a “American Whore”)
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Recently I’ve been trying to take some sex accountability
I play vitctim in my head
As a random man pins me to the bed
My daddy issues come up to the forefront of my throat
Seems I like to be choked by a fist larger then mine own
I always believed that I was beautiful and sexy
That I could attract the wandering eye
But for the right reasons
I may be those things but I’m always feeling like an “American whore”
I blame random men for not loving me right but I’m the first one to hit them up
I’m the one who tells them to come over and fuck me like a god dam slut
I know I’ve been told by my dads wife that you get out what you put into the world around you
Seems I’ve been the one doing the most
Asking randos to Come fuck me like a “American whore”
Putting myself at risk to catch diseases and bad feelings
Cushioning myself against a wall to not feel these negative emotions
So stuck in my own victimization that I always blame the other person, but I never look at myself till I’m alone
Alone in my bed
Alone in my 40’ by 40’ square foot room
Not a lover beside me to hold me when I feel small and fragile
Not a lover to be here for me when I’m feeling low and confused
I know these people out here be fucking to fuck
But I be wanting to make love
Make love on my white queen size mattress
Under my light up stars
But it’s all just sex to them
And after we fuck I tell myself it’s just sex 2
But it’s not, to me it’s so much more
Seems like I’m probably a few peoples American side whore
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I didn’t meant to turn out this way
I was once a child who got SA’d by someone they trusted
So how could I know the right ways to love and to be touched
When my boundaries where never respected or passed down like a well known gift
But deep down I carry lost of sexual trauma with me
Like a little mixed bag of an internal disease I can’t get rid of
I feel sick somedays with this unresolved trama
Seems I’m gonna get a “3 man”...