Wonder if it's my personality as a person.
Calm nature always trying to please - Maybe it is a reason.
Is it the shy way I cave in avoiding attention?
Yet belonging to a circle I can't call my own?
Is it that this nature of mine is a recipe for a walkover?
Am I misunderstood becoming a pushover?
This feeling looms like a shadow.
Following, haunting, teasing, pushing me to anger.
Clouding the one thing that I am.
An extrovert? So it seemed.
Yet i cower in this shadow.
Not brave enough to face it.
Hiding behind this mirage - Concealing my true nature.
In my mind a question "why?
I am not who they are, yet i call them friends, family - my love.
Different in everyway.
Only thing binding us is company.
Company? Yes company.
One gathering shrouded by hyprocrisy.
Fake smile, fake love, more lies.
Properly masked out under the guise of rela-friendships.
Disregading a heart, that is maybe different.
To fit in i guess, they tried pleasing others - Oh how I cried.
Their glory earned from hurting me with words thrown or how their actions may be.
A way out is this dark smoke coming from my nostrils.
Becoming an antidote to handle the withdrawal.
A euphoria so as to speak.
My alter ego strong enough to rise up above this darkness.
The only way i feel proud to speak.
Only then will I feel belong.
Enough to stand tall amidst phobia.
Is it low self-esteem?
Or is it the fact I don't belong.
Morning comes, pushing down the strong me.
Searching the darkness for me.
All I found is a broken me.
Scarred not physically.
Emotionally broken from words thrown, cutting deep.
The urge of a remedy creeps in.
A relapse of that one drug - to find my voice.
A force propels me to stop.
A self-belief of "I am better than this".
Taking steps from self destruction.
I restructured my mind to be the best I deserve.
I am round, beautiful, strong.
I am me!
No one should say otherwise.
I am a woman, scorned not broken.
I am a force to reckon with.
My strength is one that can't be compared to.
I am mother earth, springing forth fruits of positivity.
Inhaling fresh hair, I sort after change.
I am that change, becoming all and more they never thought I could be.
I rise!
Strong, fierce, determined.
I rise! Been reborn.
I came, I saw, I fought, I conquered.
#love #hurt #betrayal #frienship #motivation #heartbreak

© Naomi Kamara