Married 15 years to
A man I didn't know.
His alcoholism
Had taken its toll.
The beatings started early,
Right after I do.
He would say I'm sorry
I believed him too.
I tried before, to
Escape his grip.
I found myself staying
Going along on his trip.
The children came
One right after the other.
I found myself being
A father and mother.
His hands like steel.
And hard as rocks.
He beat me worse
If I tried to block.
He drank more and more
Over the next few years.
It took all the money
To buy his beer.
The children were servants
In his twisted mind.
They thought it was a game,
So they didn't mind.
To the fridge to
Get Daddy a beer.
I saw a horrible mother
When I looked in the mirror.
I let my children live
With all that abuse.
I didn't know better
Because I was confused.
My children were witness
To all that took place.
You could see the sadness
On their little faces.
He doesn't care
About what he's done.
He's already lost
One daughter and a son.
For they don't speak
To him when he calls.
They won't be there
When he falls.
He's going down hill
At a rapid speed.
An alcoholic father
They don't need.
I don't know what's worse,
A father who kills himself in an instant,
Before his child is born,
Or one who slowly drinks himself to death in front of his own children.
I think my children have suffered too much.
I just don't know.
I should have gotten out quicker.


© Kristin E. Porter
2007