As the years pass
Since you took your last breath
I have inched my way toward thirty
Wondering if I'd ever find mercy
From the voice in my head
That screams I'm better off dead
And sometimes I wonder


Did you hear it too, brother?

Or am I as crazy as everyone says?


I have spent the last six October's
Knowing you will never get older
Exposed to the deepest trenches of grief
As I come to the understanding
That job was handed to me


I don't want it


"Take it back!" I scream
It was supposed to be me

That gave up on themselves
How I've lived in Hell
A literal nightmare
As the world I knew fell to disrepair


But, oh, if you could see me today

I think you'd approve of the person I've become
Of the strength I have to admit when I'm wrong
I know this comes six birthdays too late
But I hope somehow it finds you anyway



I love you, bubby


© krystlereisler