the day after I find out
you’re still here
I keep looking over my shoulder.
I thought you went back to Boston,
but no. now we’re in the same place.
I worry it’s only a matter of time.
I worry some things are inevitable.

people can read what I write,
I just can’t ever know about it.
that’s the only thing.
my heart is terrified again,
my heart is running the show
and I am watching
waiting for the gun from the first act
to come back full force. I am waiting
for the tradgedy to make itself known.
when I look back,
I always knew what would happen before it did
I just didn’t want to believe it.

I am a beggar. please, please, please
be here when I get back.
please, please, please
I was made to love, I know it.
it just took me a while realize.
please, please, please
I beg the world
not to let anyone I care about die,
to keep the bad thing locked outside,
to save me from what must come.
in my own head I get selfish,
I only care about myself and my own.
I am hungry and scared and animalistic
and ready to run before
the gun even goes off. please, please
let me make it...