All the kindness you give me is a reminder of the love you’ll never have for me. How cruel is that. You once told me not to confuse your kindness for attraction. I carry those words with me every day, like I’m shackled to the truth I’m unwilling to accept. When you invite me to go out with you, I have to set my own expectations and boundaries within the expectations and boundaries you set. It feels like you’ve only met a small part of me, because that’s all you’re willing to have in your life. When you think about me, my hearts a flutter and there I go trying to catch it and hold it down. To me I think about you all the time. I wonder, can I count the times on one hand I’ve been lucky enough to be in your head. When you put your arms around me, my world slows down and my smile can’t help but to show itself, my skin crawling with the butterflies flying out of my stomach, and there I go trying to hold everything back like a teapot long past its time. I’ll never confuse your kindness for attraction, it’s one of the few things you’ve asked of me. Everyday is a reminder, every gesture is a remainder, every ounce of kindness is a reminder of how you see me. That’s who you are. This is what makes it hard. You are purely so wonderfully and innocently kind to the people, the animals, and the world around you. The sun is only able to rest because you’re there. Every ounce of sunshine you give is a reminder that sends me back to the dark. A reminder that the rays of the sun belong to everyone and only the sun choses who to burn and who to shine for. I am blessed to burn in a world you shine on. Your kindness is for everyone but your love is for someone else.
© CMA