I grew up given the distinct impression, that it was in some way, wrong, to have dramatic or drastic feelings. Any display of emotional sort was frowned upon, really. Eventually I was led to the conclusion that it must be some downfall of my character. I believed that there must be something wrong with me. SO I blamed a chemical unbalance, that probably never existed, as my valid, human response, fell quietly through the floorboards, forgotten, left eternally, to the wayside.

Does a history of addiction, of mental illness, run in the family? I used to be able to answer every doctor immediately, without any hesitation, whatsoever, "No." From this point forward I will always have to hesitate and take pause before answering because I see now, sober me so much differently than I had before.

The social acceptance of alcohol addiction? An addiction, 100% nonetheless, yet my problem received (hypocrisy in their) judgement (of me!) regardless of the fact we both battle the same enemies but by different names; mine being what you see as a much more horribly and ugly stigma: 'actual' drugs.

Emotion and empathy, feelings, do not have to be, solely, a weakness. That when used in the right circumstances, they are in fact, a strength... a power even. Magic. Wonder.

During my journey of healing, while simotaneously, walking backwards through drama and the worst experiences of my life, I've learned a lot. I do believe that because of my "weaknesses," we were actually able to survive.

How was I able to survive before, and how am i surviving now? I know what to expect. Every day, I am to roll a rock, further then the day before, up a steep slope....