There are things you should know before you fall for a girl like me
Before I let myself love you
This is something you need to see.
I come in a box with a warning label tattooed on my arm
Fragile don’t break.
Has been through too much.
I wear my scars as proof of what I have been through
And you can mistake that for being proud until the night goes down and I break apart.
Like I was never meant to be whole.
I am wild and restless and need constant validation.
And probably won’t believe your I love you’s and your beautiful.
I need to see you are sure, no hesitation
One moment of struggle and ill collapse.
Like a useless foundation.
And I need you to hold me close and calm me down and love me most. And I need you to make sure I take my meds and don’t kill myself and aren’t holding back.
I have a hard time being honest and I value laughter.
I measure my success according to who I made happy in a day
And I measure my success every day.
And if I fail, I am not okay.
And I don’t like to clean. I love to cook
I love to write, and you will most likely find me lost in a book.
I cry when characters die or fail or do something wrong
I love to sing and dance to songs
And if I am sad, I am that all the way
And if I am happy, I am that completely.
I feel too much and too strong and my sisters and brothers will always mean more to me than anyone.
(except for my kids. When and if.)
I don’t talk to my dad.
And I hate fights. I will move away if you raise your voice.
Or shut my out, or lie to me, or hurt me.
I will go away. I will leave, I will not stay.
I love kids. They are my happy place.
They deserve everything. Love peace, happiness, childhood, joy
And they fix everything with their tiny embrace.
Most of all what you should know about me
I am ruined. And I am hurt
And I am partly glad that that is me.
Because I know I won’t fall into the same traps my dad and mom did.
I wont say useless shit like guilt resentment and love, when my teenage daughter tells me that she feels less than enough.
And I will hug and love surely and completely and fully.
And I will cry and hurt just like that.
Easily.
That’s what you should know before you fall for me.

© infinite