Why does it feel so hard to talk to God?

Closing my eyes and I hope to feel his presence, but all that I feel is my broken heart beating so heavy.

I don't know if I'm scared or maybe I'm not ready to inherit his kingdom.

I feel like I've reached the edge of life and have no reason to live again.

Sometimes I wonder, if God reconsider his decisions that he make.
But I ask myself who am I to question his work.

I feel like I've been living wrong, and it's time that I make a change.

It's time to right my wrongs.
It's time to step ahead of time.
And strengthen the bond with my Father in heaven.

All along, all I was doing is blaming God for everything, forgetting that I became weak in prayers.
Not reading the book of life, which is my bible.

I know I'm not perfect, cause I'm a human.

Do everyone else go through this or it's just me?
© DonBosco Mukena