I had a dream yesterday
the world was covered in laver
there was no one but me
how was I surviving, I don't know?
with all the heating and violent flames
I was unharmed but I was in pain
I was moving though
and after walking a distance of about fifty feets
a pathway was opened from far away
I saw someone
the image was blurry
the person turned away and started moving
I tried to chase but he/she disappeared
I stopped for a second as I try to reach out
but the road was limited.

it took me five minutes to realize that I don't know where I was
and when I looked behind it was raining heavily
water and laver became one hence steam was formed
and right in that moment tears started falling down
I kept on repeating the same words
I am not strong
I am not strong
I am not strong
but like any other dream, I woke up.

I took a deep breath
inhaled
then exhaled
took a glass of water then went back to sleep
I found myself in the same dream but with different objectives
the different objectives were quite odd at first and confusing
three balls held together by unknown force
I tried to get up close but the bond between them broke
and the three balls were separated
I looked within myself as I watch each ball go on its own different direction
it was cold and sad
mad and upsetting
angry and unhappy
I tried to hold it in but it was too late

Hot sun in winter
the landscape changed
informed and unformed the dark side was formed
blood on the floor
demons on the walls
dark heart in the living soul of the unknown
I never even accepted the fact that I have changed
even though I don't love myself in a way I do
I don't know myself
so how can I merge

The other night a girl told me that am not up to it
she was right, seeing what am becoming
my humbleness is fading
my innocence evaporating
I fear what was left of me during the time of needing has gone
now my life is based on logic
nothing doesn't make sense
the old photos I deleted
the past I burned though there is this one thing that I can't let go.

Talking about demons
I have rage in my heart if I was a saiyan
I couldn't have been the strongest
I sometimes have these thoughts in my mind
not evil but not good also
I don't understand them
the truth is, I don't understand myself
even when I try.
© Shanzi. com