to day I awoke to the smell of tree smoke tho my day is afternoon I know that I am not immune to painful thoughts as the memories of you further infect my brain coursing through my vains your memory remains the constant taping at my door like the raven never more I scream never never more !!!! the man I once loved is never more for he is the reaction of the man he once was whatever that was for a saw a sad sick boy who saw me as such a lovely toy a beautiful thing that could become more called me little girl when you where angery just like my dad truth is my dad wasn't a man and nor where you I cling to the breast of a broken man fighting every day wising to bot fail him like every one in history the horrific visions of his past hunted me once but no longer do I only wish to love him through his pains and fears to help him grow and survive the maze of life that sends us to decay I'm always filled with dismay and dread. of when people I love will pass and I'll have to be she sheled and home for my remaining blood family ...what will I do and how will I become what I need to be in time people often say one step at a time I feel like all I've done is walk in circles wishing on stars and turtle's cause I'm just at a point where it seems the points gotten dull and rusty and I just wanna fight my own way but I still feel like I'm under water under so much wight the murmured words of past memories fading ,aching ,echoes. never the bleeding tears from my heart as I hate my self for thinking of you at any time cause I don't know if you think of me or what you think ..min scared of how it would feel if we met again would I see you differently would you as well I'm so confused by life do I wanna be free or go back to a cage but I'm starting to feel like I went in one cage to another just with less pain and staggering hours .
© bluedragon