Days are getting heavier && heavier to carry..Getting harder to get threw..I just feel like completely giving up on this life, that I'm being forced to endure..My dad has completely drained my soul,and destroyed every part of any hope..A Daddy's girl is all I've ever wanted to be..As the oldest always willing to do what was needed, trying to keep the smiles on their faces..&& the peace,even if I already knew my dad didn't have that in him && the anger and rage always was present,just simmering under that hateful soul..When it came to us,his wife and 4kids..There was nothing that I could ever do,To get my dad to love me..My parents literally didn't tell me I love you..My sisters and brother tho,they lived a different reality..They felt loved and had birthday parties.. Good gifts under the Christmas trees.. & the only thing in life I ever wanted,Was my mom&dad to love me..I would tell my mom I love you and she intentionally would talk about anything else..Finally my grandparents sat && talked to her..Those two were my angels sent to save me, because I don't believe I would be here today if I didn't have that lil piece of safe haven..&& their overfilling hearts of love and care.. My mom still didn't say I love you aback, let alone first..But after that she would whisper real low,a mumble, luv u..That was the absolutely most I ever got..My dad ticking playing on the floor with my siblings.& my mom laughing joining in..i felt like those were there moments & I was intruding on their family..Even tho I was sitting right there,I was always ignored..Never apart..It completely destroyed my heart,it BROKE apart of my soul..&& gave me obstacles that I had to fight my whole life,((I had to heal ))and it was a hard, lonely life..When I'm only 12yrs old and your disowning me because you are in a drug state!!" Seeing things that were not there,was your trip && covering the vents in every house we ever lived.Claiming my mom was cheating..Waking me up in the middle of the night, for a week straight the first time..The first of many..As you sat on the edge of my bed dad,watching a skinny lil bush tree, you wouldn't let me take my eyes off of it..even tho I had elementary school the next day,and the following days after that.. I was forced to stare into the dark night waiting to see a guy that wasn't truly there..Saying watch your mom's boyfriend is hiding behind..So we...