you sit there and wonder when it all changed,
was it something you said,
you are replaying scenario after scenario in your head just trying to piece together what happened that placed so much distance between you two,
and it aches,
you don't want to give up,
you can't.
you're begging him to stay and he's already left;
he didn't even say goodbye.
why didn't he say goodbye?
you try calling him a hundred times,
it doesn't ring anymore because he's blocked your line,
he comes around when he wants,
this wasn't his first time,
hell be back and you know it,
you say he loves you,
deep down you know that he doesn't.
you don't have to wonder where he's at when he's gone,
you know he's with her,
but you love him and when you confront him he always says, "you're just going to believe someone who isn't me?"
your brain taunts you with wondering if he's telling her all the same things,
but you held it down,
you did,
your name is on your house he didn't even cosign it,
he calls it his though,
don't let his lies bother you,
if you love him you accept him even if he hurts you.
you can't blame him cause you allow it right?
is it really his fault if you accept it,
you know he's coming home tonight.
it's 4am you're wide awake and he pulls in,
you try to ask him where he's been and now all a sudden he's accusing you for stalking him,
"girl you're mad crazy, i can get anyone i want, you think i'd be here with you right now if i was fuckin on somebody?"
that hurts you,
because you know in your soul he's no good for you,
he tells on himself by accusing you of what he's doing,
you hate yourself because you love him why doesn't he trust you.
every night before you go to sleep,
you pray and all you say is, "please God take him out of my life, i don't want to hurt like this anymore, he's killing me alive."
it's going to take time,
because everytime he calls you can't help yourself so you answer,
he tells you to open the door,
he doesn't tell you anymore when he's on the way,
and he gives you no other choice but to be his victim.
he's never loved you,
maybe he loves what you do,
but try to call him up on a friday,
text him it's an emergency and to pick up quickly,
you won't hear from him until sunday,
and you're going to accept it because if you don't he's going to leave again and he won't be back until you blame you.

© catdimes