I hesitate and feel completely utterly lost but there's beauty in the Chaos. even if life came with a handbook I still wouldn't know where to look

I'm no bitch but trust I'm shook sometimes I feel I'm only alive just to live for the ones that died
because who am I to throw away a chance they don't get.

I guess I'm forever jealous of there peace my therapist says she needs me to "open up" well I wrote this for are next session I hope its "open enough"so here it is doc hope I get it in before the clock stops.

first off I blame myself for every stain in my mental health. an secondly these demons beckon me they say the dead rest in peace but the dead are my biggest enemies and third when people say they understand me it feels fucking absurd

yeah i know people that been through what I've gone through often feel like they have trouble being heard

you want me to open up this is just a crack in the seems if I trama dumped you'd need a pay raise and some vacation days cause I got a list I've been through every kind of hell and I'm 21 but feel 345

I've been raped, drugged,jumped,shot at and i watch most of my friends die from the sidelines. that ain't even all of it I helped put some of those skeletons in my closet.
© shrouded