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Becoming Solid
Feelings of disgrace
At the same time sanity
Fill me with a bit of peace
Allowing me to finally think.
I'm holding on to things
I never thought
I'd have to hold on to
Hanging by a thread.
The future pierces my thoughts
But the present remains unknown
Allowing me to think ahead
But never in the moment.
Lost in my head continually
Hands reaching for stability
But finding a jello like life
That I'm currently living
There but not secure
Life that's not really being lived
The downward spiral im facing
Struggling on an upward twist.
The surface is so close
But it feels like a million miles
While I squirm my way to the top
But seem to never reach it.
Like a bear trap, I'm stuck
But alive and scared
Not know how I will break free
But praying still that I can.
Day breaks each day
Casting sun over my face
That feels magical..
But yet sad.
Then darkness hits
And I shatter like a piece of glass
Delicate to the touch
That got hit by a hammer.
A continuous cycle of life
But yet of desperation
That ebbs and flows
With the daily routine.
Feet planted in one spot
Hoping to grow roots
But branches break
And I begin to wither away.
The sun tries to nourish me
Regrow the soul inside
While the earth fights
To exasperate me from its soil.
From the depth I have grown
It feels like I'm an anchor
Being ripped from the sea floor
Dangling through the waters of the ocean.
No specific destination
Besides the one I was already in
Being reeled back
To again be cast to a solid source.
Yet no one knows where I land
Where I'm intended to be
Or how long I'll be there
Hooked to the next rock.
Unknowing and unwilling
I am flopped and yanked
Hoping to find a space
Where I feel I am intended to be.
Planting a home for me
For the future
For the present
And for anything in between.
Solidity is a mystery
Never known by anyone
If it'll rip away under your feet
Like a magician and a table cloth.
How do I go on?
Knowing things will always be jello,
Knowing I will continue to fall
And wearily push myself back up.
An endless cycle of desperation
Of sorrow for myself
That solid ground
Doesn't actually seem so solid.
At the same time sanity
Fill me with a bit of peace
Allowing me to finally think.
I'm holding on to things
I never thought
I'd have to hold on to
Hanging by a thread.
The future pierces my thoughts
But the present remains unknown
Allowing me to think ahead
But never in the moment.
Lost in my head continually
Hands reaching for stability
But finding a jello like life
That I'm currently living
There but not secure
Life that's not really being lived
The downward spiral im facing
Struggling on an upward twist.
The surface is so close
But it feels like a million miles
While I squirm my way to the top
But seem to never reach it.
Like a bear trap, I'm stuck
But alive and scared
Not know how I will break free
But praying still that I can.
Day breaks each day
Casting sun over my face
That feels magical..
But yet sad.
Then darkness hits
And I shatter like a piece of glass
Delicate to the touch
That got hit by a hammer.
A continuous cycle of life
But yet of desperation
That ebbs and flows
With the daily routine.
Feet planted in one spot
Hoping to grow roots
But branches break
And I begin to wither away.
The sun tries to nourish me
Regrow the soul inside
While the earth fights
To exasperate me from its soil.
From the depth I have grown
It feels like I'm an anchor
Being ripped from the sea floor
Dangling through the waters of the ocean.
No specific destination
Besides the one I was already in
Being reeled back
To again be cast to a solid source.
Yet no one knows where I land
Where I'm intended to be
Or how long I'll be there
Hooked to the next rock.
Unknowing and unwilling
I am flopped and yanked
Hoping to find a space
Where I feel I am intended to be.
Planting a home for me
For the future
For the present
And for anything in between.
Solidity is a mystery
Never known by anyone
If it'll rip away under your feet
Like a magician and a table cloth.
How do I go on?
Knowing things will always be jello,
Knowing I will continue to fall
And wearily push myself back up.
An endless cycle of desperation
Of sorrow for myself
That solid ground
Doesn't actually seem so solid.
