Give me something to take the edge off, something that would ease the pain I feel inside that I been trying to control. I want to feel numb, that I can't feel anything anymore. I try to explain what has been hurting me, but I can't get anywhere with it. I just have to let it eat at my insides, until there is nothing left of me. When something triggers me I'll start taking it out on myself again, because explaining what has triggered me gets me nowhere, other than left in the dark with my words going out the other side of someone else's ears. I'll let my anger build up and when I can't hold it in anymore, I'll take it out on myself. People always say. "There is always a reason for everything you go through." I'm so darn tired of being so strong. I always ending up fucking something up in my life, because of my past trauma, from everything that I been through. I can't wait for Jesus to come and God can pick where I should go. Heaven or Hell, I won't ever know. I just hope it is Heaven and not Hell, because I have already lived in Hell.
© Charlotte B.