( it doesn't make sense to me , I don't know if it does to anyone else )

Perhaps I made myself this way ,
Grieving over the pettiest of things ,
Bruising at the slightest of touch ,
Groveling over tidbits of kindness ,
Blistering at so much as a breath ,
Did I make myself this way ?

I have tried desperately howling to myself ,
No ,no , you didn't
I have tried sobbing in utter dismay and helplessness ,
No ,you didn't
I have tried shrieking in rage to myself ,
No , you did not ,
But none of them worked ,
I couldn't get through it to me at all.

I thought I didn't understand the world ,
I thought i didn't understand its people ,
It turns out the most incomprehensible piece in this nightmarish puzzle is myself ,
And the discovery not only didn't help ,it aggravated things for the worst ,
Little do you know ,there is this visceral dread, pure fear curling at the pit of my stomach , a viper baring it's fangs dripping venom ,hissing everytime I so much as look inside ,
But the maniacal ,almost hysterical obsession slithering in the gutters of my mind to dissect myself would not rest ,
So, yeah ,maybe I made myself this way.

Only I don't know who it is ,
And I absolutely don't know who it was before ,
And the question of whether if had a choice never really was there ,
Did I make myself this way ?
I must have made myself this way
No one , not even the fate would be such unsculptrous to slip up such an ignominious incredulity

Nevertheless I solemly swear ,
I want whatever it is gone as much as anyone
At times like tonight more so than anyone....

© myrottenpoetry_13