In relationships heres how to know if your partner loves you or it's just a situation of opportunity and convenience. If you love someone truly love someone you literally want them to have the best experience, security , stability and comfort at all times. That means you think of then more then you think of yourself. Now in this new world order of self love and avoiding toxic people it might seem oxymoronic to say that you should love your partner more then you love yourself. Bare with me as I explain. It's always been said that you can't love someone more then you love yourself. It's also been stated that you can't give love or show love to others , if you don't love yourself. I personally see this as a false statement. I believe that being a parent negates this way of thinking. When you have a child your mind does a reevaluation of your priorities and values. Where as in your adolescence and teens you might have been all about you and your needs. When you have children and you love them and your a devoted and dedicated good parent , your wants and needs take a back door to that of your children's. So where you would be hungry , thirsty , cold , warm , sick or unhappy. You might not address these issues for yourself telling yourself you can go without or just deal with things. But having a child you instantly will sacrifice what ever uncomfort you might experience to provide that same comfort for your child. Parents could only have enough money to get a meal that wouldn't be enough for themselves and their children and they will not eat or give the majority of the food to their children. Because you want to make sure your children have everything that they need and if you can provide all they want , you'd try your best to provide that. Now how this thought process relates to romantic relationships should be the same. If you love your partner amd pay attention to them and their every want and need they would rarely have to ask for things. For example if your sitting with your spouse on the couch watching movies and you got up to grab a drink of water. A person who loves you is going to ask you " "Hey sweetheart would you like something while I'm up". You might see your partner clutching themselves if they're cold. Would you wait for them to ask you to grab them a jacket or blanket or to turn up the heat or do you take note of their uncomfort amd just go get something or do something to ease their discomfort. I believe relationships are a continuous journey of learning each others wants and needs. If you in a relationship where you value your partner and have significant time invested in the relationship you should know each others wants , needs , characteristics and mannerisms. You should know what they like to eat , drink , wear , watch , read and listen to. In a healthy loving relationship both partners are paying attention to the other and are consistently making mental notes of their partners temperament and actions. So ask yourself do you know your partner? Do they know you? Question: If your partner ask you to get them something to drink but didn't specify what they wanted you to get. Would you know what they wanted.? I believe in a healthy relationship you would at least have a range of what to get because you pay attention to them and want to adhere to their needs. So if your girlfriend/boyfriend or wife/ husband says "Hey can you garb me a drink " and you know they only drink coffee and water. You wouldn't come back with juice or soda unless what they wanted wasn't available and you knew they would accept those things as alternatives. But some people are self absorbed. Now what does it mean to be self absorbed. Websters dictionary defines it as self-absorbed is an adjective used to describe a person who's preoccupied with their own wants and needs. When used in this term, the word absorbed means deeply preoccupied or totally wrapped up in something—in this case, oneself. Self-absorbed is almost always used negatively. So a self absorbed person is only concerned with what they want to eat , drink , watch , do , their level of comfort and how their feelings are affected. Alot of tines it's not vindictive or malicious at all. Some people grew up being only children and never had to share or be concerned with other's wants or needs. Other times it's just an automatic thought process of taking care of one's self. But sometimes it's just arrogant self absorption of persons who have no empathy or compassion or nurturing nature for others. Has your spouse ever went to get something to eat or drink and came back around you and not asked did you want anything or offered you what they had. I personally believe as the point I made earlier about parents and children. That a person who loves , honors , cherishes and adores you could never do anything for themselves and not want you to have the equivalent or better. That's what partnership is. If I have , you have. If you lack , I lack. In no situation would it ever be I and not us. If you experience this in your relationship. I think you have to ask yourself. Do they really love me ? Now someone could make the argument that if I'm always worried about my partner or anyone else for that matter. Then who's looking out for me? Well if you put it in perspective. If both partners are consistently watching out for each others needs. There would be no need to even think about your own needs. If your always concerned with your partners wants , needs and comfort level and they yours. Then they would see to it , that you have all you need and want and try their best to provide that. So where as you might forget something for yourself. You partner is going to have the thought of , do they have what they need? Are they cold , hungry, happy , sad , bored or excited. They would do everything in their power to give comfort and. stability to your wants and needs. When your partner doesn't it means they don't love , respect , value or take your wants and needs into consideration. if that's the case why be in a relationship with them. Be with someone who loves being with you , the person. Not your status , physical attributes , titles or monetary value. Be with someone who likes , admires , respects, and values who you are and you will never have to wonder where you stand or what their level of devotion is to you.
© ockindev213