Occasionally through the grapevine of a one-stop light town

His name wisps in the wind

I can hear it faintly drifting like the snow falling on my front steps tonight

Softly
Peacefully

Humming in my ear


His name no longer leaves that burning ache
Deep inside my chest
When it reverborates

And for that, a smile stretches against my pales cheeks

Seven letters; two syllables
A name that now feels foreign to me


For a moment I stop to listen


It's no business of mine
What these snowflakes whisper to me

But I'm grateful to at least hear he is happy
Content in the direction his life is heading

Forward
Never back



As for me

For awhile, I questioned the validity of my self-worth
Wondering what was so goddamn wrong with me
That he'd wish to erase me from existence


Like I'd never existed


But lately I've noticed that I don't freeze
When his path crosses with mine

When beautifully green
But perpetually menacing eyes

Find me on a crowded street
And he turns from me

We don't speak

I am a stranger

And finally free


I don't dream of those eyes
Burning holes in my soul
Anymore

And I haven't for so long I almost forget
The feel of cold metal and hot sweat

Almost


But still I hope
Sometimes
When my name drifts through the grapevine
And the snowflakes tickle his ear


That my name doesn't bring that boiling anger to the surface
The kind he only reserved for me

That he is capable of feeling
Contentment
For my happiness, too


Forward
Never back

© krystlereisler