Today, I went to work and I tried.
I color coded the clothes because it's the one thing I can actually do right.
organize.
even then, inside my head, I felt like I was wrong instead.
but I went to work today, and I tried.
Today, there were too many people and I tried.
I told my friend I'd help her, I promise, I might, but that's what I do best.
I lie.
and then the cycle starts again, where I'm not sure if I can, and instead of being nineteen, I feel like I'm still ten.
but there were alot of people, and I tried.
Today, I rode the bus home, and I tried.
I plugged my earbuds in and turned the volume up, in hopes that it would help me escape.
before it's too late.
the world becomes a little less real, and I almost fall asleep, but I snap back before I do, and I'm left there feeling weak.
because today I rode the bus home, but I still tried.
I tried, I tried, I really did try
and I can't even allow myself that pride.
because tomorrow, and the next day, and two years from now I'll try, but it'll still be just that
nothing will change but how my fears choose to hide.
© Kylie Mae Vassar