When one opens up,
It is then when one is regarded as being an attention seeker,
Not always that opening up helps, it really doesn't to most or me!

No day passed without me having flashbacks of my past painful events,
With each flashback, my heartbeat was affected,
With each flashback, I was emotionally and mentally destroyed.
How brutal can life be?

I need help, I am not coping!
My voice maybe sounded soft that I wasn't believed I guess,
I am drowning!
With no water visible, no one believed that I was drowning.

Slowly, I lost myself,
The me that I cherished and loved,
The me that I'd kill to have back!
All in the past right?
That's how we slide our emotions, right?

Crying turned to be my daily activity,
One that not only took me but also my most beautiful physical features,
With time, the pain being unbearable.
It got physical,
Literally could feel my heartbeat drastically slowing down,

Controllable as it was at first, it wasn't anymore during the latest moments,
I was in pain,
I couldn't breathe,
All that I pleaded with God was to let me go and rest,
Eternal Rest!

That felt like a need to my soul,
I was in pain, I really was and I still am.
No one mattered anymore,
My dreams and plans didn't matter anymore,
I watched Life claiming every good thing going on for me,
Taking it away,
Hard as I worked.

Something that was mental became physical,
My heart broke way too many times that it couldn't take it anymore,
I needed to rest,
Perhaps they should've just let me;
I mean, It's all coming back and this time....
I've got no energy to fight back!
© Thato Mangwegape