So many days and so many nights I do nothing but think about you, wondering where you are and what you are doing at that very moment, and my heart aches with pain, and instant tears fill my eyes, I feel so many different emotions, my heart is broken 💔 and words no matter how many I write will ever ever really say how very sorry I am for not being there like I had always promised you. I try so much to understand why nobody wants me to see you or spend time with you, and all I can think is how very confused, angry and hurt you must feel too. The time we have lost we will never get back and I hate that cause I've missed so much, but I hope and pray that you remember all the times when it was me and you, and all the things I told you, all the while building a bond only for me and you, one that would prepare us if we were ever apart, how did I ever know how much these words became true. I will always be here even when we are apart, close your eyes and picture us and know that Nana is closing her eyes thinking the very same thing as you, and don't be sad try and stay strong, and know that things aren't what you have been told by others and Nana has wanted nothing else but to get to spend time with you, I hope you remember the little I taught you and always know there is nobody more beautiful and special to me, there is only you, my blessing from the day you were born and the first time I held you in my arms alnite, all I could do is stare at you the entire night, and I cried happy tears knowing that you were sent to me a blessing from above to show me that there was a brand new SUNSHINE, and all the reason I needed to fill the emptiness I was carrying, so ready to give up, and then that night as I watched you sleep in my arms alnite, and tears fell down my cheeks, I knew I would love you like no other, and my heart felt that bond forming instantly, remembering thinking God this is the most precious and beautiful thing I've ever laid my eyes on, I'm sorry for letting you down I never ever meant to and all ive wanted for so long is to make things up to you but its like nobody will let that happen, and they have to know Im going to tell you the truth cause thats what we are suppose to do right? I just hope we get that chance my biggest fear is that I'll never get to explain things to you, cause life is way too short, I know that more than anyone, and that scares me to death, Nana loves you Monkeybutt so much it hurts, don't ever think I didn't care and please don't listen or believe things some people have told you, I can promise you there's nothing about their words that are even true. I just pray to God that I get one chance cause that's all I need, I miss you today like i have everyday, i promise, you will see hopefully soon, cause Nanas heart is hurting, the hurt is familiar and you know what eased and healed that pain, it was you, being brought into my life and i never wanted to feel that pain again and yet here i am and i feel it, cause my life has been missing a hugh piece and that piece is you, this pain only you can take away, I love you to pepperoni pizzas KAYLAH Danyell Fair, please always remember this and know I've always been proud of you. LOVE ALWAYS AND FOREVER, NANA.