Trying to live in the present
Looking for a different redirection
Finding myself lost in the flow of it all
Worrying I’m going to fall face first
I don’t like to get have bloody, scraped up knees
Bruised ego
Shatter heart between my two feet
I’m worried my anxieties are making me internally fall apart
Don’t want to feel this way but it’s all I’ve ever know
To overthink
Always wanting full control
I can’t stop my brain patterns
Circling the drain
Putting myself in the most critical mental pain
Worrying I’m the bad guy when no one’s around
Worrying that I’m doing to much
Turning my whole world upside down
My face is constantly in a frown
I’m drowning in myself
I’m yelling for help
The things is, is that I never open my mouth
I just scream internally
Clawing at my brain stem
Bleeding from the inside out
I’m always over doing or overdosing
Getting high off these negative emotions
It’s all I’ve ever know
Trying to control the uncontrollable
Trying to let my thoughts flow instead of pushing them down into the ground
I am a flower field and there’s this rainstorm that keeps trying to drown me
I want to be beautiful and feel whole
To feel safe in my internal self’s form
It seems when I try I always fall into the underground
Head first, I fall into a giant pit
No ropes or latters to help me climb out
It’s all one big mind game and I’m in charge but I seem to not have any control
Trying my best to live in the present moment
Seems all my brain can do it look into the past
Or worry about the future
About the “what ifs”
And the “if this happens,then I should do x , y ,and z”
I'm always playing a subconscious mind game within myself
Never knowing if I’m right or wrong
Letting everyone’s opinions make the decision for me
Trying to ground myself in the flower field of my mind
I truly just want to get High and disassociate
It just seems like it’s all so much to handle
Wanting my brain to hush
This constant loop cycle encapsulates my being
Circling the drain
The water drowning me
I scream for help
But no one has noticed
Maybe some over the counter medication will keep me floating
On a cloud
Up high in the sky
I keep trying but nothing I do seems truly right
I keep fighting
Over and over again
I truly don’t know what I’m doing
All i want is internal peace
So nothing can truly hurt me
Not even myself
Or the outside world
Done being labeled as the bad guy by others
Or even by my own self
I just want to be me
Be peaceful
To feel truly free


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