How did it come to this?

Through all my anger and loathing of you I won't become you..

I won't lie to make myself feel justified or forgiven and so you should understand that I'm speaking from a place of contentment at the reality as it is now with all its relief and regret.

You in my eyes always held the weight of the world and didn't cry for it just accepted it as something natural that was all, I admired that so that I understood I should carry my half in the same regard.

A stranger to me you walked past me acknowledging nothing in who I was because it was expected we should be closer than anyone to each other, but that time was not yet.

My head filled with expectations of who I would be could not win against my heart who knew who I was, So once we were placed in our positions I wondered if it was the same for you...

Why should we yield to pressures placed upon us by those who never felt our displeasure?

I believed you then weak but only slightly because you were determined to be the expectation of those who wrapped thier chains around us and the thought that it pleased you began a seed in my mind that filled me with disappointment.

Eventually I found a way to relieve us both of each other and instead I planted a seed in you that needed no water or light to extend its roots, you my inspiration became the first to truly feel something for me ...

Your hate was brutal and cold but it had no pretense, it was genuine and I knew of all the judgmental faces I stood before yours was authentic and had merit, and in that way I loved you for it.

So many times at your mercy I found none and yet I never felt anger or resentment only that you truly felt something...

I hurt you with love, you hurt me with rage.

Anguished and broken are all we are now, you and I were doomed by a manufactured destiny.

We were not made to be Us, no matter how hard you tried to impose it I only got better at evading you trying to make you see that it did not need to be me at your side.

I realized you and I loved in a different way, you let them tell you how to be loved while I loved and let you go.

Adrift on a unknown stream I became someone who can look back at you and see that you through all the frames of time were chasing what you hated because you could not understand that to hate you have to love..

Now let the illusion go.



© CM