Sometimes I wonder if I should make a list of emotions I should feel at certain situations
And I will memorize it one by one
Re-read it as I wake up
Remind myself as I go to sleep
I will keep it in my pocket
Or maybe will even tattoo it in my arms


Sometimes I wonder if I should make a list of words I should say at certain situations
And have my mouth remember how it rolls off of my tongue
Train my ears to watch my tone
And relax myself as I enunciate each word
Fixing my gaze to you
To assure you of the words coming out


Sometimes I wonder if I should make a list of the things that hurt me in supposedly hypothetical situations
Not to avoid it entirely
Or run away ashamedly
But to teach my heart how to numb itself
Act as if nothing could hurt me anymore
And practice that steady warm smile that could deceive even the seraphims above


Sometimes I wonder if I should make a list of me being me
To remind myself that if I am not me, I would still hate myself
Because I am nothing but a ghost waiting to finally die
Because I am nothing but a miser clinging into lies
Because I am nothing but a liar draining out of life
I am nothing but a list of what a person shouldn't be

© TiffanyJerus