It’s sweat now.
It’s sex now, or no.
It’s not anymore.

It’s my own fault, like always.
Always so trusting,
trusting you to catch my fall,
falling fast again and again,
again hitting the asphalt,
pavement, payment
asphalt, my fault,
betrayal, betrayal,
my body betrays me,
like how you betray it.
just like he said, just like I said.
I said not to see me anymore.

It’s only sex.

surely you can move on easy enough.
surely there’s no reason for either of us
to see the end of this play. No.
I’m leaving early this time. No
sunk cost fallacy. No, no,
I said no.
No refunds. No taking back what you said
and what you did
and what I did
and didn’t do
or see coming soon enough.

If it’s a waste
then everything is a waste.
I’m a waste. I’m never safe,
you’re never good. No one
is ever what I thought they were.
They just cannot be.

I know everything
every frame, and yet
nothing, nothing, nothing.
you can’t fix this with heat
and something else, I don’t know.
I doubt you’d even care to.
You fucked me like you cared about me.
That doesn’t mean you did.
A lesson I needed to learn.
No need to hurt myself
when you and everyone else out there
are more than willing to do it for me.

It’s sweat now. It’s sweat now. It’s sweat now.
Cold sweat, alone sweat. You were sweating
but denying it. The back of your car
and the police headlights on us.
I’ve been here before. I am old as the earth now
and I already know what happens next.
I don’t need to stick around to see it.
You’re a coward mostly. I should have known.
I did know. I should have known I knew.
Hey. Fuck you.